i'm hot and i'm cold, i'm yes and i'm no

Katy Perry's song is just about right for me. I'm so messed up it's crazy! Like literally I don't even know what to do anymore. If I could take back time, I would. I wish it didn't hurt so bad. I wish it was something I could just deal with...but I can't. It's always there living in my gut. And the only thing I can keep asking myself is "whyy meeee??" Can anyone answer that? Nope, you can't. Because what happened was totally unexpected. UGH. help help helppp.

On a brighter note. I work now! So I'm making some money but I still have time to hang with my friends and do the fun summer stuff. Also, my sister is coming home in a little over a week! It's gonna be great to have the family together again! Kody is home for this week so I'm planning on seeing him too. Then he goes back to the marines:( Then T comes home in over a week too! There is sooo much going on! Can't wait!!

Ok so I have to blog about this really quick... Do you watch Pretty Little Liars??? OMG I love that show it's so great. If you are a girl I would def recommend it. abcfamily;)

alright well I'm off to watch so you think you can dance!

Take care:)

let everything happen on it's own.

Hey viewers, sorry it's been a long time. I've been extremely busy. BUT I finally got a job!!!! I start this Wednesday at the Hampton. I'm pretty excited. It feels great to at last be doing something. Now all I have to do is finish getting into Millersville and I'll be great!

So let's just say that things have been going really well. Better than I thought they ever would again. But recently I've been thinking about the past and some painful memories were starting to come back. However, I realized that I just need to block those memories and just concentrate on me. If I keep thinking of stuff that happened then I'm just going to continue to hurt, and I don't need that bullshit anymore. So, from now on I'm just going to take things slow and let everything happen on it's own. Yep, that's what needs to happen.


Oh! and my bestie Greta is going to Sweden to visit my best friend Jeanne! I love you girlsss!!! Wish I was with youuu.

Harrisburg, please give me a job.

I am so mad that I don't have a job. I've applied for 15 places! 15!!!!! By tomorrow it should be over 20. Harrisburg sucks. Well, actually the america does right now, but whatever.

Today was fun...Hung out with my girls, Greta and Giana. Thursday I'm going to Dinner with Giana and her mom, then sleepover and swimming on Friday! I can't wait. It will be fun.

So I made these really awesome plans next weekend with 3 other people, and I'm afraid they aren't going to work. It's suppose to be a road trip/ reunion. We'll see I guess. I'll let you know what happens ;)


ttyl...

I get by with a little help from my friends.

It's been awhile since I've written. Sorry! I have been trying to get a job like crazy. I think it's been 15 places that I've applied for now. Yeah...nothing. Ugh! It is sooo fustrating. Everyone is saying it's going to be really hard to get a job this summer. Yep, they were right.

Anyways. Everything else is going well. Got into Millersville, part-time. Which is good because I will be able to work and go visit friends on weekends. It looks like I won't be taking any trips this June, but whatever. I should be working anyways. Chelsea and T are coming home for 4th of July! Yay! It should be fun. I've been clearing my head lately, and just realizing some stuff. It's starting to work.

Giana and I went to the park yesterday and had the best conversation ever. Talked about pretty much everything. That made me feel great. She honestly knows how I feel and she doesn't judge me for the decisions I make. My bestfriendforever(: I think she is the only person who I honestly open up too. And thats fine with me because I would only like one person knowing how crazy I am :P Then after the park, Greta, Emma,Lex and me went to panera for dinner and then to target and the mall. Went hottubbing and got 3 great movies. Sleepover at my house! It was the best. I love my friends...and lex! haha.

I want to forget.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD.


It would be so much easier if I could just forget. But I remember everything.

i want to forget so that I can start over and be over this whole issue. But deep down I don't think it will change. Not the part of me forgetting, but the part of why I'm trying to forget. I'm sorry if you don't follow what I'm saying. This is kinda just me thinking in my head. This is also the whole reason I started a blog. To write what's in my head and get it out. Ever since it ended. (most of you know what I'm talking about.) Hoping that you read this.. But anyways, I wish I knew that fixing things would be the best option...but what if it's not? What if it's just not worth it? I get that feeling sometimes. Ughh. Life is so difficult. Like I don't want to waste my time if I'm not going to get something I deserve in return. It should just come naturally for you to do that. Ah! Look at me. All I do is complain and talk about my dumb problems. Sorry folks! I just really had to make a point tonight. But I heart you all and hope you have a great day:)


doe a deer, a female deer
;)

Back and Forth.

One second I'm feeling this way, the next second I'm lost. It's back and forth. I wish I would have a constant direction of how I want things to go...but I don't. So how are you suppose to know? If someone can answer that, please tell me. I only want things to get better. But I'm afraid that when they do, anything could happen again. Gah! My head is going crazy. I had a huge headache all day today, and today was the least unproductive day since I've been home. Wow, that sentence had the word 'day' in there alot. Hahah. Anyways, all I'm saying is that I don't want to make a mistake...but I don't know which way to go. My feelings seriously can change in less than a minute. And NO, they are not mood swings...or are they? Don't answer that.

Oh hey mom!

Hey everyone. Lately I've been applying for more jobs and trying to get into college. I just found out that I have to apply for this different thing for Millersville. So tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I have to get things done. I'm going out to get 2 more applications tomorrow. Hopefully one of them will be the lucky winners. I'm for real down to like $2. hahah yikes!

So I've been feeling really good lately. Not about anyone in particular, but just about myself. I'm so glad I decided to go to college and have a life for myself. That's what I really want. To be successful...and happy of course. All this happiness might have to do with the weather. It was so pretty out today. I really hope it stays like that! Greta, Giana and I went to swattera park yesterday and we had some really interesting stories :P kinda makes me miss last summer...where things were perfect! I hope this summer can be just as good, or better!

Haha today was my mom's birthday and we took her dinner and got her presents and whatnot, but what was really interesting was what we were talking about tonight. Somehow we got on the subject of well, sex. We were just openly disscussing it like it was no big deal. I never really felt comfortable to talk about it, but tonight was actually quite funny. So my mom just came out, asked the question and I told her the truth. I mean, I wouldn't have lied to her but still. So things are a little different between us, but in a good way I think. Another thing...I can't believe I'm writing this in my blog. Good thing not alot of people read this!!! :)

Casa class tomorrow! Can't wait.
Peace out.